Fitness Update: Week One.

Last week I posted about me journey into losing this baby weight I have been carrying. I decided I am not going to focus on losing the weight, rather than getting fit. The weight loss will just be a welcomed response to my body changing.

So far last week I have hit the gym 3 times, got talked into trying a class they call “Power 30”, and met with my trainer. I am actually going to be meeting with her later this morning as well. I wish I had gone more last week, but I didn’t want to exhaust my body. I am still pretty sore from Thursday.

I kind of feel like a little kid on their birthday, you play with your new toy for a few days but the charm wears off. I don’t think the charm will wear off with this though. I can honestly say I am very happy with my first week and can already feel the progress, mostly in my legs.

I notice the days I work out in the morning I tend to make better choices in food through out the rest of the day. I really liked being active at 5 am and the rest of my day following went very well. I was more upbeat, happy, not so tired and wore out. My kids even had a really good day.

I am excited to share my progress with everyone.

I know you tried.

Six months ago when we saw each other, my focus was heavily on
the last 10 years of your life. “How do we fix this?” I asked you drunk
on my bedroom floor. I could see your pain, and your worry, and more
than anything I wanted to make it all go away.

I wanted to see you succeed, and selfishly, I wanted to love a healthier
version of you. I believed in you, and I knew if you needed
me, you would call. Others got angry and resentful, some were just
sad, and others I’m sure just tried to take away all of your personal
space. Loving you was hard, but you know that, you struggled with it
more than we did.

There’s no actual road map to loving someone who struggles so
deeply. And I know for certain you weren’t handed the directions either.
Everyone now is wondering the same thing “what could I have done
different.” And I’m sure that most of us have a pretty long list… but for
myself the one thing I know I could have done was not convince
myself that this could never happen.

And there comes a point where stopping the struggles seemed
to overshadow simply just loving each other. Phone calls, texts and visits
started to come out of necessity and not desire. The 5 hour drive became
the easy answer to any invitation, and we both just accepted it…
And any distance I put between us, it didn’t actually save me from any pain.
Because it really could happen, and it fucking did.

You died.
You fucking died.

At first anger took over my life you wouldn’t believe dude. Not even a
rational anger that had any direction, just hot rage coming out of every
pore of my body. I spent a week walking around in a haze trying to
catch my breath and get the brick in my stomach to go away. People
keep asking me how I’m doing, and I’m running out of bad jokes and
fake smiles.

You fucking died.

But I’m not angry anymore, not for a single thing that ever happened.
See, the thing is, I KNOW how hard you tried. I know how deeply you
loved everyone in your life. Most of all I know how badly you
wanted to love life and yourself. I know, if you could have ended up
doing this differently, that you would have.

My heart will never truly understand how this could ever be real, losing
you has been the worst experience I can actually remember. But you
haven’t let me down love, because I know you always tried.



EDIT: The guest writer wishes to stay anonymous. I do not own the rights to this letter.

Starting My Weight Loss Journey.

It is a few days late, 5 days actually. But I am officially ONE YEAR postpartum! My sweet baby girl turned ONE on June first. I still remember that morning like it just happened. It is true, you never really forget your labor or the first time you meet your baby.

I was induced due to high complications and pre-eclampsia. I was in labor all of 3 hours, shaking from the pain that seemed to be worse than my first time in labor. Both of our heart rates dropped low, I had to wear an oxygen mask, Norva had to have a pin placed on her head while still in utero to monitor her heart rate. I honestly did not think we would both make it out alive. Once I was fully dilated and it was time, she took all of 10 minutes to arrive.

I knew by the way she entered this world she would give us the ride of our lives. And so far that is exactly what she has done. She is stubborn, fierce, a little mouthy, and fearless, but also the most loving and happiest little girl I have ever met.

I am also excited to announce that I am getting back into my workouts. For anyone who has had two under two will know what I mean when I say the first year is an adjustment. Sometimes it’s longer than a year. I have been battling postpartum depression, anxiety, confidence, and much more. I have just recently come open about everything I have been trying to deal with in hopes to inspire someone else, or even let them know they are not alone.

I have always had body issues for as long as I can remember. I tried so many different fad diets, pills, not eating anything at all. With both of my pregnancies combined I gained 84 lbs.


Start weight: 136 lbs. Day he was born: 189 =53 lbs.


Start weight: 172 lbs. Day she was born: 220 =48 lbs.

My current weight is 173, although it seems to flux from 169 to 174.

My postpartum care was so different between Emmett and Norva. After having Emmett I was doing yoga everyday and some light weights. In the spring and summer I was walking 4 miles everyday. I ate a fantastic diet cutting out sugar and red meats. I hit a low of 157 lbs but some where, somehow I gained 15 lbs before getting pregnant with Norva. After Norva was born my body seemed to heal faster, but my will and motivation to do anything was gone. She was my spring baby, but I couldn’t bring myself to walk at all, work out, or even eat. I was under and impressively high amount of stress after having Norva that some days it was impossible to get out of bed, but I had to. I was home alone with the kids Monday morning-Friday night with no help. We moved twice after having Norva, which caused more stress. Plus the stress that comes with breast feeding, a toddler, money, everything really. I was in such a bad spot mentally that I let my physical go.

I am starting to feel better about myself and my life, which is giving me motivation to work out and get healthy again. It really isn’t about the weight at this point, it is more about gaining confidence and mental clarity to be the best person I can be. Sure losing the weight is a plus, but I want to be healthy, I want to not be winded while walking up a flight of stairs with a kid on each hip, I want to have more confidence in myself all around.

Sunday I went grocery shopping and 90% of what I bought was produce. The rest was healthy alternatives to snacks, some gluten free items, and non dairy. You could say my diet changes follow some Paleo or Keto guide lines. My work outs are consisting of Barre, yoga, walking, and some light weight lifting. My body seems to take fast to working out, so I plan to be updating my progress every couple of weeks. I haven’t worked out a schedule for that yet.

I am excited to share my progress with all of you and clue you in to my recipes and work outs I have been doing. I also hope to hear from all of you on input or challenges you think I should try, even telling me what worked for you when losing the baby weight. You can comment here or email me at

What to add in an “About Me”

Have you ever had to write about yourself but started to draw a blank? I have. You would think that writing about ones self would be easier than it is. The key to a great “about me” section is the things you wouldn’t think of including. When I read a persons about me, I like to know they took a lot of time and care into writing it by adding things other than how many cats you have, how tall you are, or that you like football. Tell me the names of your cats and how they got them Tell me about how you are the tallest (or shortest) person in your family. Tell me about how you love football because your since passed grandpa took you to every home game of your favorite team.

For example, I have red hair, but not only do I have red hair, there is only one red head in each generation in my family. My great grand mother, my aunt (it skipped a generation) my self, and my daughter is starting to show signs of red in her hair.

I have included some questions I think about when writing about myself.

  1. Your name- Lizze, Lizz, Eliza, Elizabeth. Your pick
  2. Something Surprising- See upper paragraph about red hair for example.
  3. Interest most people don’t know you have- 
  4. Cool fact about your home town- My home town is famous for a few reasons. The biggest being The Great Balloon Rally and The Pink House.
  5. Tell us why you love/don’t love your home town-
  6. What you wanted be when you were 7-
  7. Your goal for this month- My biggest goal for the month of June is to change my eating habits and diet.
  8. Your goal for this year- This year I want to get more organized with my finances and keep better track of our spending. I also want to lose some of the baby weight I have gained the past three years.
  9. What kind of parent or grandparent you want to be- I want to be the obnoxious supportive mom. The one who makes it to every sporting event, play, competition, the one who invites all of the kids to her house to hang out so they stay out of trouble.
  10. Why you do or don’t want children-
  11. Who was your idol when you were 13-
  12. The meaning behind your domain name- I have had a lot of really off the wall things happen in my life. I also had two kids under the age of 2. My life is literal chaos with some really sweet moments. Hence Chaos with Sugar.
  13. What charity is close to you and why-
  14. How do you like your coffee- Just cream, unless it is ice coffee, than it is 3 cream 3 mocha.
  15. Biggest thing you have changed in the past year-
  16. Favorite book series and why-
  17. What trend you wish would go away- Resting Bi**h Face and the attitude people form around it. Sure some people honestly do look stand offish when they are super friendly, but the trend of being rude just kills me. Smile.
  18. Are you a morning or night person and why- Honestly, I am both. I function well between 5 am to 9 am and 8 pm to midnight. The between hours are for sleeping and kids.
  19. Tell us a cool fact about a family member- Where do I start?
  20. Least favorite movie of the year-
  21. something you are indifferent on-
  22. Weirdest thing you have done for love- 
  23. Your stance on controversial topics- I actually prefer not to discuss these things with people unless I know them really well and can have a comfortable conversation or debate.
  24. Personal opinion about yourself- I have pretty low self confidence. I try really hard to build myself up because I know I am worth it. Someday’s it is harder than others, but I am a constant work in progress.
  25. Do you believe in love at first sight? Why or why not- I believe in love at first sight and love on impulse. My husband and I never dated, but we knew each other since we were 18. We have been married for 4  years.

Get creative when you write about yourself. Think about some questions you might ask someone else and answer them. I hope this helps when you write about yourself, or even when you ask others about themselves.

Stay fascinating!

A little more about me.


Introductions are key in any relationship right? I feel it is important to form a some kind of common ground with people, it makes friendships and other forms of relationships run smoother.

So, let me tell you  little bit about myself.

1. Not only was my father adopted, but he was adopted by a family with a super unique last name. In fact we are the only family in the United States with this last name. I never actually knew how aggravating a common last name was until I got married and shared a name with 4 other people in my home town.

2. My husband and I never actually dated. We met six and a half years ago on campus at college and instantly connected. Four years ago I text him (Yes, a text) and told him I loved him. Six months later I was standing bare foot in the rain marrying the man of my dreams. By our first anniversary I had our first kid. It might not sound like much of a love story, but it is.

3. Despite being a pretty bad blogger, I am going to push myself to new goals. I have at least 5 other blogs I started and have done nothing with, I have no idea how to do pretty make up or hair, I don’t live in a fancy house that has perfect lighting for photos, I’m often inconsistent with my writing, and my kids are wild animals.

4. My stress level is incredibly high. I’m actually surprised I haven’t had a stroke or something major happen yet. In 1 years time Matthew started a new job when I was 7.5 months pregnant with our second taking him out of town 6 days a week, we had a baby leaving us with two under 2, we then moved and then a few months later we had to move again. But I have learned new ways of coping with my stress and feel as if I handle it all very well.

5. I was horribly picked on as a teen. I have always had such horrible, horrible acne. I don’t mean a few pimples here and there, I mean the kind of acne you have to take medicine for and get professional treatments done. I am 25 and still break out horrible. The acne has calmed down a lot, but I have a lot of scars from my teen years.

6. I knew I was pregnant before it showed up on blood work. You know that “intuition” women talk about. It’s real. I knew I was pregnant with my first child when I was about three weeks along. With my second child I had literally just conceived not long before telling my doctor I need blood work done. My HCG levels with my second were about 267 when I got the call to confirm I was pregnant. I had been telling my husbands for 2 weeks I was pregnant but he didn’t believe me until the doctor called.

7. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I don’t see children outside playing. All of my childhood was spent between being outside on my grandparents farm, at our camp, or at my other grandparents houses. In the summer my cousins on my mom’s side and I would spend from the time we woke up until the time we went to bed outside swimming, walking the fields and hills, catching fire flies. When on the farm I was outside bringing the cows in to be milked, gathering egg, or just playing with the cats and following my grandparents. I think kids and parents benefit more being outside.

8. I’m a wanna be baker. I love baking cookies, cupcakes, breads, everything! I spend a good chunk of my night watching videos on cake decorating and baking; I am always looking for something new to try. I have had dreams of opening a bakery once my children are much older. I love to cook as well, but baking is my favorite.

9. I think my best feature is my hair. It is a natural bright copper color. I often have women stop me just to ask who colors my hair, they are always surprised when I tell them it is not colored. I used to hate my red hair. I colored it often because I felt embarrassed, but as an adult I have learned to embrace the color with a whole new confidence.

10. If I could change anything in my life, it would be to eat healthier and work out more while I was pregnant. Both pregnancies were extremely difficult on my body, I spent a good part of both on bed rest. With Emmett I gained over 50lbs, mostly due to eating nothing but cake and McDonalds. With Norva I gained around 40lbs, I was more active when pregnant with her because I had to chase Emmett all over. I also ate better with her, but not as well as I should have.

Thank you for reading =)

Product Review: Make up.

Lets talk makeup. I recently acquired some really awesome products that I want to share with all of you! Like any girl, I occasionally love to wear make up, I would wear it more but trying to put makeup on with a two and a half year old and an almost one year old running around at my feet just isn’t practical.

Now, what you need to know about me before I dive into this is as a teenager I had horrible acne. I’m not talking a few pimples here and there, I am talking the whole shebang where I had to take medications to help clear it up. Now as a 25 year old adult, I have so many acne scars it isn’t even funny. So I am always looking for ways to try to sooth and mask the scaring I currently have.

#1 Indeed Labs Nanoblur– This is a white tube with a small orange arrow at the top. It comes in an white and orange box and can be found at most large drug stores such as Walgreens. Average cost is $19.99. But trust me, IT IS WORTH IT. The tube is quite small, but you only need a small amount. I wear mine almost every day and I have noticed it tends to keep my makeup lasting and looking fresh, it also makes my skin look firmer and smoother. I received mine free for testing purposes from, I have included a link for you to check out the site if you are unfamiliar.  

#2 Covergirl Outlast Stay Luminous Foundation– Another product I received for testing purposes from Influenster, but can be found at any store where covergirl is sold, average price is $9.47. Normally I never wear liquid foundation, I never found one that complimented my skin well, until this fell into my hands (or I should say on my face…I’m not funny) Another product where a little goes a long way. I tried this out the day I got it, I loved how well it covered my skin and even my acne scars. Most liquid foundations I tried just seeped into the pox marks, not covered them. My husband even noticed the difference!

#3 Almay Smart Shade Bronzer–  This sun kissed powder leaves your face looking sun kissed as well. I like it in the winter time so I don’t look so deathly pale all year round. I have natural copper-red hair and this bronzer compliments my hair color and green eyes perfectly. It is found where ever Almay cosmetics are sold and averages around $11.99. A little pricey, but you can always find Almay coupons to help with that!

#4 Neutrogena Oil-Free Acne Wash– It comes in a clear bottle with a green wash in it. I have found it to be a great face wash to use when I have an acne break out. It calms and soothes the break outs and leaves my skin, which is often oily by mid day, feeling fresh and relaxed. I personally buy it at Walmart at an average of $6.39. But it is sold in most stores.

 #5 SmashBox Photo Finish Color Correcting Foundation Primer- Wow oh wow was that a mouth full to say. I actually got this as a sample on a trip to Sephora. I have used color correcting primers before, but I feel like this one was worked the best for me. My skin type seems to be a “on any given day” type, which means on any given day it is doing something different; but I generally have oily skin. This primer didn’t make my skin feel tacky and sticky like most other primers I have used. It is on the pricey side, averaging around $39 dollars, as I don’t always go full face, so it has lasted me a while. So I will be picking up more of this soon.

#6 NeedCrystals Microdermabrasion Crystals- This has to deal with my acne scars. I happen to come across Need Crystals when looking for a charcoal face mask on Amazon. I have had microdermabrasion done before, but by a professional. It was expensive and when I couldn’t afford the treatments anymore I started looking into doing stuff at home to help with the scars. I bought this in 120 grit for $12.99 on Amazon and could not be happier with them. I have been using them since January and my skin has improved so much that people I have know my whole life are doing double takes when they see me.  My start and progress photos are included below.

#7 E.L.F Expert Liquid Eyeliner- I am going to be honest with you, my make up game is weak. Last time I use liquid eye liner was in high school during my “scene kid” days… Yes, I was one of those kids. Moving on. I have recently started to re-learn the art of liquid eyeliner. I saw the E.L.F Expert Liquid Eyeliner was selling for $2 dollars and thought “well, at least I won’t waste much money when I mess up.” So I bought it, and will be buying it again. The wand is super light and easy to maneuver and gives great coverage. If you are still learning like I am, I highly suggest this product.

#8 Perfectly Posh Best Face Forever- If you haven’t heard of Perfectly Posh, it is company that was founded in 2011. They make everything from faces masks to a men’s line of products that is made with natural ingredients. This face is a grape fruit and peppermint scruby that gives your face a deep clean. Not only did I feel like my pores were getting a good deep clean, but my skin started to look brighter and healthier. It is a little expensive, around $21 dollars, but Posh gives you perk points and often has sales.

#9 Perfectly Posh Cackle Spackle- I received this in both sample size and as a birthday gift from my darling grandmother-in-law. The first time I used it my face burnt a little bit due to both the spearmint essential oil that is in it and me having sensitive skin. I am SUPER acne and black head pron, I have had to have several professionals help with my acne problem. What I loved most about this face mask is that it pulled out so much dirt and left my face with less black heads. I still had a few stubborn ones that refused to budge. This mask is mad with charcoal, volcanic ash, kaolin, and has natural astringents in it (spearmint) and eucalyptus. This little number costs around $19 dollars, but as I stated above, Posh has perk points and does sales.

#10 YesTo Cucumbers Soothing Eye Make up Remover- Because of my acne, I am very particular about my make up removers. I need something that makes me feel like my face is free and clean before I wash my face, but also gentle on my break outs. I love that this product has remover pads and wipes as I always tend to use too much when using a liquid form of remover. The cucumber and aloe are great for sensitive skin, it has natural products, and bonus that it is certified cruelty-free! These make up remover pads can rage from $5 dollars to $7 dollars depending where you buy.

My Before and progress Photo: The top photo is me in January just before using NeedCrystals. The bottom photo is me in the first week of March. As you see, there was a lot of improvement in the appearance of my skin. I do intend to post my progress as I use the crystals.


I hope you enjoyed reading this post as much as I enjoyed testing products and writing about them! I also hope this help you with your next product purchase. Stay tuned because there are more to come, good and bad!

If you have any products you want to see me test out, feel free to comment or message me with the names!

Maternity clothing and what I found most useful.

Now, all women love a good deal on clothing, and when you are expecting a little bundle of cuddles, you probably want to save as much money as you can. I personally always shop sales, clearance, and discount clothing stores like Burlington Coat Factory. If you have never been into a Burlington Coat Factory, it is literally name brand clothing at huge discount prices. And I mean HUGE discounts. You really can not beat it. But if you can not find anything you like there, which I will find hard to believe, there are always sales at other stores. H&M sell maternity clothing, Motherhood Maternity, the list of stores goes on.

For all you first timers, you are probably thinking “Am I really going to need maternity clothes. I won’t get that big.” Well, I am going to let you in on a little secret, I DID get that big. I gain 53 pounds with my first pregnancy and 48 with my second. Now, I am high risk and spend a bit on time on bed rest, but if you are active and make healthy eating choices, weight might not be a big issue.

Did I spend a lot on maternity clothing? Actually no, between both pregnancies I spent about $150 dollars worth of actual maternity and nursing clothing.. As I stated before, I had a summer pregnancy and spent about 75% of it in a bikini. My winter pregnancy was was leggins and over sized shirts.  If I could go back and redo my clothing choices, I would probably have bought more clothing.

Essentials for Maternity Fashion and Comfort:

1. Shoes. Shoes are probably the most important to me. All I wore my first pregnancy was flip flops. My feet were in constant pain and swollen. With my second pregnancy I wore a light weight sneaker with a good sole in the fall and spring time. Holy moley did sneakers make a difference. Sure my feet were still swollen on and off, but not as badly as they were when I wore nothing but flip flops. In the winter months, if you live somewhere that gets snow like I do, a boot with a good deep tread is important. Our body changing, changes our center of gravity, you want a good tread to avoid falls.

2. Anything with an elastic waist band. Now, I am not talking about shopping in the grandma section of Kmart. Lately I have been seeing more and more shorts being made of a light cloth material that has a comfortable waist. I bought a pair at walmart just after having my second child and instantly wished I had bought them sooner. I wore a lot of gym shorts, joggers, and leggins while I was pregnant. Jeans just were not comfortable for me, even the maternity jeans. Often they were too lose somewhere and too tight in another spot.

3. Maternity Jeans. I feel as if finding the right fitting maternity jeans is like finding a unicorn. They can have their perks as well. For instance, if you have to squat down to pick something up, the high waist band covers you undies from trying to peak out…or anything else that might try to peak out, I had it happen to me in the store. I strongly suggest trying jeans on in the store, don’t blindly buy them. Sizes run so different with maternity clothing that you really want to insure it is a comfortable size and something you wont mind wearing all day at work or on tips.

4. Maternity Shirts. These can be helpful when showing off that bump, but they are not totally necessary. You can find some really great fitting shirts pretty much anywhere. I loved longer tank tops and with a nice cardigan, but that is just my style. If you want a shirt that shows off your bump, look for shirts that have the elastic on the sides. They mimic maternity shirts but are half (or less) of the cost. Many athletic shirts and tanks are made like this and are great for everyday where, even if you are not working out. Athletic shirts are breathable, a beautiful and much needed thing in the summer months.

5. Shape Wear. This is something I have never personally tried, but I really wish I had. I have had many friends say that shape ware was great because it gave you that little bit of extra support. I tried the belly bands, but those always rode up and fell down where as I have been told the shape wear stays in place. I have also been told that shape wear is a huge help after having your baby. Smooths everything out under your clothing while you get back into shape.

6. Dresses. You can make a dress work in any season. In the spring in summer months dresses are way to keep cool and look cute with minimal effort. They are easy on, easy off, especially in the end of your pregnancy when baby is pushing on your bladder. You don’t have to worry about fighting with your pants in the bathroom. My pants always fell to my ankles. I had a hard time getting them back up because I couldn’t bend over to reach them.

7. Bralette. Bralettes are those super cute lacey little things that look like they offer no support. They come in all kind of styles and gorgeous colors. These will be great when your breast start to swell and you belly gets bigger. I made the mistake of buying a push up bra with underwire and man oh man was I uncomfortable. As my belly got bigger, my bra would push into my belly and leave deep marks that would hurt. I switched to bralettes and it made such a huge difference. If you like to have a little more support, sports bras work very well in being both supportive and comfortable.

I have added some photos of what I wore during both pregnancies to give you all an idea. As you can see most of the time I wore leggins, yoga pants, or something easy on my waist. These items were also helpful after I had my babies and still couldn’t quite fit into my pre-pregnancy clothing.

Remember, when shopping for maternity clothing, you don’t always have to spend a ton of money to look cute. Sales are a girls best friend. Happy shopping, and happy pregnancy.


Dear Father.

Hey dad,

Remember me? That once bright eye girl who you watched cartoons with? Do you remember how I used to look up to you, not because I was little and had to, but because you were my hero. Do you remember all of the walks on grandma and grandpas farm, or that time I was asleep on the couch and you surprised me with a puppy? Do you remember when we both met your birth sister for the first time?

I do

Do you remember that morning at all? Taking me to grandma and grandpa’s house? I went with grandpa in the tractor, you said you were going to shoot woodchucks, I fell asleep, you didn’t come home.


I also remember the lump in moms throat when she said you were gone. The hurt in everyone’s eyes when they looked at me during the funeral. I wasn’t sad at first, in fact it took me years to be sad.

I was sad when I was 8 and didn’t have a father to make a card for on Fathers Day.

I was sad when I was 14 and so confused about everything. I wanted to hate you so bad for what you did.

I was sad when I was 16 because you weren’t there to teach me to drive. Or when I broke up with a boy friend and needed someone to talk to.

I was sad when I was 18 and you weren’t at my graduation. Or when I was sexually assaulted at college. When I spent months drunk and high so I didn’t think about it.

I was angry when I was physically assaulted by a “boyfriend” and you weren’t there to protect me.

I was sad when I met my now husband and you weren’t there to meet him.

I was sad when I got in engaged and couldn’t call you.

It broke my heart when I got married and you couldn’t walk me down the isle.

It broke my heart when we found out we were pregnant with our first child, when we found out it was a boy, and when I had him. I sat alone in that room holding your grandson crying because you weren’t able to meet him. He looked just like you.

I was sad when Emmett had to have surgery at 4 months old and you weren’t there to keep me calm.

It broke my heart when my father in law passed away. This meant Emmett didn’t have a grandpa of his own blood anymore.

It hurt me even more when we didn’t have a dad to call when we got pregnant again and were due on your birthday. Or when we found out it was a girl. She has red hair just like me and a such an attitude.

I have been angry with you for the way you left because I don’t understand. Everyday I try to think of some way of explaining to my kids why you are not here with us. I’m not sure I can even answer their questions about who you were as a person when I don’t remember. You left me with so many broke memories and unanswered questions.

I guess I just want to know why?

Catfish; The Truth. Pt1

I started this post in December of 2015. The first time I wrote it I was pregnant and in a rage wanting my story to get out there. I never proof read it. I am revisiting this post and re-posting it.


How many of you are familiar with the term “Catfish”? Probably quite a few. For those of you who are new to this term, it means “to lure someone into a relationship by means of a fictional online persona.” There is show on MTV called Catfish where these two men help people seek out who has “Cat fished” them and exposes the truth. I believe that there was also a movie made about this sort of thing.
My story starts in 2010, it was early morning and I was getting ready for school. There were only a few months left of my senior year and I would be starting college in the fall. I woke up, and checked my Facebook like I did every morning; what teenage girl doesn’t? I saw I has a new friend request and decided to check it out. My heart stopped and sped up all at the same time. That name, there were only two people in the entire United State’s with that name, one of which being my deceased father; The other was my possible brother who was placed into foster care shortly after birth in 1989. I quickly added the profile and sent them a message. I should disclose that all messages are repeated word for word, spelling, grammar, and all.
April 7th, 2010
Me: “So you might possibly be the brother I have been looking for since I was 16. Because my dad’s name was Neil and if you are a jr than you must be his. So if this is true then message me back asap!”
He later responded with
“Neil”- “yea he was my dad. he gave me up to my moms husband when i was 6 month my mom said i had a sister from him by a jenny girl right”
me: “well my good sir. you are my brother”

We went the rest of the evening with minimal talking. He claimed he was in the army and currently in Iraq at the time. Being 18, not knowing any better, and not really having a reason to suspect anything; I believe him. I thought it really WAS him. I would later on find out the sick truth. Months went on of us talking though Facebook. I told him about who I was as a person, the foods I liked, things I did for fun, where I was going to college, and asked him about himself. He was very short in his answers. He claimed he had been living in the same area as I had and that he had been home from the military to his mothers in Friendship NY 3 times over the last few years. He told of how he saw some of our Fathers family but that they never said anything to him. I wanted to tell him it is because none of them knew about him until he added them on Facebook, but I left that alone. He then began to tell me that his mother was currently living in Colorado with his youngest sister, and that she had been there for around 1 year. Looking back at the conversation I should have caught onto that, it was his first real slip up in this web of lies. He also stated that he had been stationed there before being shipped out. I knew there was mostly Air Force bases out in Colorado, but in some later investigation I found that there is in fact a A base out there for the Army itself.
I asked him if we could meet and he agreed. But this is where things began to go down hill and get weird. He would always claim to be close to New York, but could never come to meet me. Once he said he was on base in Georgia, I offered to go there. At that point I had both a car and the money, the trip would have been nothing. He claimed he was being sent back to Afghanistan. I kind of stopped trying to meet him at this point.
One day it all came to an rushing realization that I was being “Cat fished.” A few of his posts on Facebook and a lot of his mothers posts have been since deleted; I do have some screen shots I will be adding. But I do remember this vividly. January 22 2012 “Neil” claimed he was in a hotel room in Dubois PA and would be on his way home in the morning.

January 24th, 2012:
“hi im on neil’s facebook my name is derik hess i have no way of getting a hold of his family but he is in the hospital right now. i served with him in iraq.”

(-Please take a minute to note that the spelling and grammar is the same as the messages between Neil and I in the upper portion of this post. )
In the comments, this “derik” stated
“im trying to get a hold of his mom some one has to make some desitions medical ones i cant.”

Yes, I know decisions is spelled wrong, this is an exact quote from Facebook.
January 26th 2012.
“hi this is neils friend again how do i say this i got a hold of his mom but neil is not going to make it through he did say he had one wish for his sisters if they do love him. they would give him a promies to stick by each other and them to be close to his mom. and to do this for life.”
“neil has writen a ltter to all three of his sisters they will be sent out tomarrow to his mom. so please give this guy his dieing wish. he is put on for a heart transplant list. lizzy he wants you to meet his mom. he loved his mom he said he gave her trouble and always didnt like her ways now being in the military he knows it was for his only good”
“he want to be barried near his great grandma stocum.”
“he is saying he wants his family that are close to his mom and friends to be the ones to be aloud at his funeral if he doesnt pull throught.”

January 27th 2012.
“to all neils family and friends neil just passed away. im calling his mom now.”
On this post, many people gave their condolences, except for one person in the Hint family who said this
“Dear military friend. I know you mean well and i can’t imagine how hard it is for you to make that phone call. But I don’t think Facebook is the place to tell people my cousin passed away. Our family should here this from loved ones first. Then after everyone knows about it you post your sincere apologies on the Internet for everyone to read. Otherwise it seems like a prank. I don’t mean to upset you but it seems blunt to write a small comment on the Internet. The last thing you want is for Neil’s close loved ones to find out randomly by their neighbor down the street, who just got off their computer. Please try to be more gentle about such devastating news in the future.”
As many of you might want to read this for yourselves, I will be posting the screen shots with this as the profiles have since been deleted.

Now, shortly after his “death” a Death Certificate was posted up on his profile by his mother; it has since been taken down. This was the real eye opener for me. The Death Certificate stated that Neil died in Philadelphia PA, but the name of the city was spelled with a F, not a PH.. No city is going to spell their name wrong.. Next I looked into the hospital that was on the “certificate.” I currently can not remember the name of the hospital and I wish I had taken a photo, but through some investigation at the time online and asking someone who lived in Philadelphia, this hospital was actually located in Baltimore Maryland. Lastly, the “certificate” had no death seal on it. There was a full photo of the “certificate” posted. You could clearly see it was printed out from the computer seeing as it was on plain white printing paper, no death seal, wrong states hospital, and Philly spelled wrong. Now, Dubois PA to Philly PA takes roughly 4 hours and 23 minutes according to Google. There was a comment made saying he made it there in about 45 minutes. This comment has also been taken down. I do not know for sure, so I could be wrong, but according to a time and flight calculator I used, it takes about an hour and 24 minutes to make it from Dubois PA to Philly PA by Mercy flight. From Philly PA to Baltimore MD is takes right about an hour and 45 minutes by car according to Google Maps. So this means, IF it was real that Neil would have went from Dubois PA to Baltimore MD in under 45 minutes when by car it takes 3 hours and 58 minutes with out traffic. Either way the certificate was a fake, I wish I still had a picture of it to show you all.

This is where I began my own search to find the real life Neil. No matter what site I used, nothing showed up. It was like he never even existed, there are no birth records or even death records. I looked for the death records in the off chance that his mother actually told the truth for once. Nothing is showing for his date of birth or any of the information I had on him; it has all been one dead end after another.I wish I could say that my story is over, but it is so far from. Neil had a sister named Samantha Eck who was also placed in the same foster care as Neil. Their mother also created a Facebook for Samantha. I knew this one was an instant fake because all of the photos she posted were never of the same person; just women and girls with blond hair. Neil’s photos were the same way, but of men with red hair. They were always so low of resolution that you couldn’t tell. Samantha, Neil, and their mother all had the same spelling, misspells, and grammar. I never interacted with Samantha much because I knew she was a fake and honestly was more concerned with my “brother.” After Neil’s “death” Samantha would periodically message me and ask me random questions like if I was going to go see his grave, or if I saw the photos that their mother posted, and she was always trying to defend her mother. Much as Neil had done, saying the same things as he had almost word for word.
I did how ever keep tabs on her profile activity just in case. Around the time she was supposed to meet her bio father, she suddenly went to rehab. No big deal right? These thing’s happen. But her step mother said she wanted to call and make an appointment to come and visit Sam to show their support, this is where it gets gruesome. January 29th 2015 Samantha “killed” herself before she was supposed to meet her bio father.Much like how Neil had a “heart attack” 2 days before we were going to meet. This is really all I have on Samantha.

I have since been in contact with Samantha’s father and step mother.

Now there is Harley who’s last name I don’t even know. According to “Neil” Harley died in a motorcycle accident in Olean NY when he was leaving the fireworks on the 4th of July in 2007. Harley was only a few months younger than I am at the time we would not have been 16, so there is no way he had his motorcycle license. According to “Neil” Harley was hit head on by a semi. With this area being as small as it is, and Olean being only 45 minutes away from where I live, you would think someone would know something about the accident. But every one I asked and every old newspaper from that year, had nothing mentioning a semi hitting a motorcycle head on. And when I say nothing I mean NOTHING. Nothing at all, no where, nothing. Seeing as there was no fake profile for Harley, my story about him stops there.

I later found out that the bio-moms sister had a son who died in a motor vehicle accident around the 4th of July in the early 2000’s. I believe that she got her story for Harley from his death. A family member to Harley said they were told he died by having an engine to a jet fall on him and crush him.
Back around November 2015 I received a Facebook message from my brothers bio-uncle stating that I kidnapped my son from Samantha before she died and that is why she killed herself. I calmly wrote him back and said if he wished I would provide all of the necessary information proving that Emmett was my child. He gave no response and the profile was soon deleted. Now, the brother is the same way as the mother is, Fake profiles everywhere and multiple profiles for themselves. Looking at the profiles of the brother, I realized that the grammar was totally different and the real brothers profiles had a smudge better grammar than the mother. Plus, the bother of the mother called out the mother for faking profiles for her kids and faking their deaths. I have been looking for these comments so I can take photos of them.

I was in Walmart with my husband not long after the message from the the bio-uncle when I noticed a woman watching us. She was moving rapidly between the isle’s and ducking down when we looked her way. It took me about an hour before I realized who it was. It was my Brother’s mother. She had been following us through the entire store while we were there. By the time I realized who she was, it was too late. We left the store immediately. The next evening I was heading into a store in my town when I was approached by a women. This woman began screaming at me about how I kidnapped Emmett and began to show me pictures that were sent to her from my brothers mother. MY BROTHERS MOTHER TOOK PICTURES OF MY CHILD IN WALMART! Now I have NEVER met her in real life, I have never even saw her until the night at Walmart. I quickly set the woman who approached me straight on the fact that Emmett is MY child and I will prove it and that I would also be contacting the police. All the woman could say was that my brother mother is telling everyone that I took my son from Samantha and she left as fast as she could. I had contacted the police and have them handling the situation. I received many messages from friends who have had contact with this woman’s family. I NEVER asked anyone to do this, they did it on their own. One person stated that the mother claimed that my brother was buried in Galeton Pa. Curious, I called and requested death records. This is the man’s exact words.
“That name doesn’t sound familiar. now I could be wrong, but I’m pretty positive we do not have anyone buried in any of our cemeteries under that name. If I do not call you back that means I didn’t find anything.”

At the time I wrote this I had not heard back from the man. Almost a yer later I several family members to my brother told me about a headstone for my brother that was placed on a family plot. I contacted a few people trying to locate what township this cemetery was over saw by, but did not have much luck. I told every person I spoke with my story and they all tried to help me locate where this cemetery was and who would have placed the stone there because they would have needed permission to do so. Some of the family members even tried to figure out who put this stone on the plot as none of them had any idea who did it. Just that it showed up a few years before my brothers fake profile even came to life. They all said they never knew who the stone belonged to until the fake profiles started.

The mother also claimed that Sam and Harley were buried out in Jamestown NY while Neil was in Galeton PA. Now why would you bury your kids in two different states? Who knows. She also stated that she had proof that the existed, Birth certificates, photos, etc. She never once stated that she had custody of them. Of course when you give birth you will have all of that information regardless if they were taken from you or not. And she was allowed photos of her children before and even after they were adopted. A family friend did what they call “Medicaid runs” to Hunt NY once a week so she could see her kids. Hunt is the last known location we had of Neil, this is where the search started for me.
I know this was all kind of long. But I appreciate you taking the time to read my story. I felt that it was time people heard my side of everything. I will be writing more about my life after all of this happened, including the meeting of my brother.

I have included only a few photos I obtained during my investigations.

Saving money when you are already broke.


If you are reading this, you were probably looking up ways to save money. You most likely have read dozens of articles giving tips like,
“Stop spending $5 a day on coffee, make it at home.”
“Skip getting your nails done, do them yourself.”
“Stop spending so much eating out, cook at home.”
“Don’t go to the bar every weekend, invites friends to your house.”
“Carpool, coupon, yada yada”

If you are anything like me, you probably laughed and laughed at these thinking “who did they write this for?” because you have probably never do any of these things listed. Being a stay at home mom of 2 living on my husbands little more than minimum wage(NY) income, I am always looking for the best of the best deals and tips on how to have money at the end of the week just to save. I have written out a LONG list of things that have helped me save money here and there. I have even included a few ways you can make a little extra money in your spare time.

1. Couponing.
-You probably knew I was going to say this. I am a stay at home mom so of course I coupon. (Haha) I got started couponing 3 years ago when I was pregnant with my oldest. It was a lot of trial and error before I figured things out. Mostly because instead of doing any reading on how it worked, I just watched Extreme Couponers on TV. Once I started reading on how to properly coupon, I was on a roll. I havent bought toothpaste in 3 years, honestly. I got 14 tubes of tooth paste for free thanks to coupons. Coupons come in Sunday papers, but can be found online. If you are serious about couponing I suggest doing lots of reading, there are tons of websites that have all the information you will need. There are even FaceBook groups deticated to couponing at specific stores and helping others out to find deals. These are a great resource for anyone looking to get started.

2. Bulk Buy.
-This kind of goes with the couponing, but it doesnt have to. There have been a few months were I didnt do any couponing and needed to buy something. Lets say toilet paper is on sale, keep in mind I am throwing out random numbers, but lets say 32 rolls are normally priced at $13.99 but this week they are on sale for $9.99. Buy them. That might not seem like much of a deal, but it’s $4 that you saved. It is even more if you have a coupon that you can use.

3. Buy Store Brand.
-We currently live in a world where we are pressued to buy buy buy. Especially brand name. We see advertisements on TV, billboards, hear them on the radio, etc and we think that we should buy it because of the brand. We really don’t have to. I mean, sure I like it when I open my cupboard and see name brands jumping out at me, but I also like knowing that by buying store/off brand I saved $2 on an item.

4. Write out meals.
-Write out weekly meal plans and stick to it. I can not tell you how much this has helped me saving money. Before I would wander around the store thinking to myself “I could make this or this, eh, Ill just grab it all.” and it always turns out badly for my budget. Once I started planning out meals I could navigate my pantry and fridge to see what I would need to buy for this week and what I was getting low on. If planning for 7 days seems a bit over whelming, only plan for 3 or 4 days at a time.

5. Go Meatless.
-Now I am not saying all of the time, but maybe once a week, maybe twice. There are a ton of amazing dishes out there that you can pass on the meat with. This will also help you stretch what you do have because lets face it, unless you have your own source like a farm, meat is expensive to buy at the store. Don’t get me wrong, so is running a farm (my grandparents had one my whole life) Anyway, going meatless will also help you on the days you just dont feel like cooking, we all have those days.

6. Farmers Markets.
-As I stated previously, my grandparents had a huge farm. 90% of my diet came from them. Meat, milk, veggies, nothing was store bought unless we went out of I was with a different relative. Farmers markets are great because a lot of the time you can find good deals on fresh items. One year my husband and I were out walking, decided to stop at the local farmers market and scored peaches 3 for $1. Not only are there great deals, but your are supporting locally grown busineses.

7. Garden.
-Do you have the space and motivation? If you do, start a garden. It doesn’t need to be anything big and fancy, start out small and if it goes well, expand. Much like the couponing, there are dozens and dozens of resources for people looking to get into growing their own. Ask friends, families, even some of those farmers you see for tips and advice on how to get started. Do your reading and research and get started. You can same so much money by growing your own. Plus, this is something I perosnally feel everyone should know how to do for so many reasons. Mostly because food is importsnt.

8. Make Your Own.
-Wether is be your own soap or a cake for a party, do it yourself. Pretty much anything you can think of, there is a tutorial on how to do it yourself. I have dabbled in making my own soap and honestly it was not only a lot of fun, but I knew what was going on my body which is important to me. Think about the items you use on a daily or semi-daily basis and see if it something that would save you money in the long run by doign yourself.

9. Cloth Diaper.
-Do you have kids? If so, have you ever though about cloth diapers? I wish I had clothed my oldest when he was a baby. Mostly I wish I had thought about it so I could have done the proper research and had time do to so. Cloth diapers can be pricey to start with. Especially if you buy brand new, but in the logn run you will have $30 a month or more due to not having to buy disposable diapers. There can be a lot of care that goes into cloth diapering but the benifits are worth it. And much like everything else I have stated, there are support groups of men and women who have advice and can teach you how to use and care for your cloth diapers. There are also sales sites diticated to cloth diapers that can save you money if buying brand new is too expensive for you.

10. Cloth wipes.
-This goes with the cloth diapers. Cloth wipes are another great investment that you really dont even have to buy. If you have old shirts, wash cloths, hankies, whatever laying around, use those are wipes! Go out, buy burpcloths and use those as wipes. Wipe solution is easy as well, either use just water or water and baby soap. Get online, look up or ask what others are doing and try it out. Baby wipes are another expenisve part of being a parent, save where you can.

11. Baby Food.
-I could go on and on about making baby food, but I am only going to give you the basics. Babys have to eat as well and baby food costs a bit of money. For that 4oz jar that costs you .99-1.45 depending on brand/store/even state, you can be buying bulk veggies and making more bang for your buck. I once spent $3.50 on 5 large sweet potatos and go almost 70oz in baby food. It lasted us a long while as we froze it and only brought it out as needed. Making baby food is so easy and so many parents are doing it more and more. Next time you are in the store, compair the price of a sweet potato to a jar and see which will offer you more for less.

12. Have a skill?
-Maybe you are a great baker, maybe you know how to fix minor car repairs (or even some major like my husband does) maybe you are great with computer repair. Your skill could make you some side money, unless you do it for your daytime job and if that is the case, do you have another skill that can make you side money? If you do, use these. There are always people out there looking for someone to help them with something for a deal. Well that deal could be a little extra pocket money for you. I have baked mass amounts of cookies for people at the Holiday time because they were too busy with work and shopping. I either charged a small price if they bought their own supplies or I would have a set rate for the type of cookie and how many they required.

13. Candles.
-That is right, candles. Eletric can be costly, and even though we all have been told to turn lights off when we are not in a room, how many of us have though about useing candle light. Now I am not talking about setting ourselves back to the 1700’s but I am saying have a candle lit dinner, even if you are eating alone, candle lit baths, even watching Netflix by candle light is relaxing.

Some other things that you can do to save money or make a little money are:
-Use cloths instead of sponges for cleaning and dishes.
-If you do use a sponge, cut it in half.
-Bike/walk/carpool places when you can.
-Pack lunches/snacks from home when working out going on a trip.
-Sign up for apps that let you redem items you bought.
-Sign up for member cards at stores.
-Repurpose things.
-Hang dry your clothes.
-be organised with your budget.
-Buy gently used.
-Sell things you no longer need or use.
-Get a roommate or 2 if possible.
-Take online surverys.
-Do some baby sitting/pet sitting/ house watching/ cleaning/ errend running.
-Product testing.

Most importantly, be creative and flexible with your spending and savings. I really hope these will help you as much as they have helped me these past 3 years. Best of luck.